Homosexuals Can Be Made Whole!

by Victor J. Adamson (A pseudonym)

If you had asked me nine years ago why I had chosen to be gay, I would have answered you as I did countless times before, "I did not choose to be gay! I chose to be a Seventh-day Adventist Christian. I chose to be educated in Seventh-day Adventist Christian schools. I chose to be a student missionary. I chose to earn a degree in Theology and to graduate with honors. I chose to marry a Seventh-day Adventist young lady. I chose to have Seventh-day Adventist babies. I did not choose to be gay! I just finally came to grips with reality and accepted the fact that I was gay. I came to believe that I was born gay."

For years after my "coming out" of the closet and experiencing the devastating breakup of my home, I dared anyone to tell me that my "condition" was a matter of choice. I had made all the right "choice" in my life. While struggling with the nagging yearnings of my heart, I had prayed relentlessly that God would "Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me." I wanted God to help me to love and to be in love with my wife. But, all my efforts were of no avail.

Finally, I succumbed to those nagging yearnings and fell into the "gay" life of homosexual relationships, totally convinced that my "condition," or "behavior," was not the result of my willful choice. What Christian would willingly choose to be so radically out of sync with society, and the church? I had to be either the victim of my own environment, or just born that way.

My parents, friends, and family all thought of me as a gentle person, thoughtful and considerate of others. In their eyes I was intelligent, likeable, courteous, and talented in many areas. Most of all, I was known to be deeply spiritual.

The Tensions of My "Gay" Lifestyle

Upon entering the "gay" lifestyle, I still live up to that image, except that I was no longer "deeply spiritual." I refused to be a hypocrite. There was no way I could reconcile my homosexuality with the calling to be part of the Remnant people who love God and keep His commandments. To me the Bible was very clear in teaching that "homosexual offenders" will not enter the Kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9).

Looking back upon the years spent in the "gay" lifestyle, I can honestly say that my life became full of disgusting, depraved, and perverted behavior. Like every homosexual I knew, I became lustful and obsessed with sex. In public and among friends, however, I masterfully maintained the image of a decent, gentle, thoughtful, polite, considerate person, both loving and lovable.

Before returning to God, for sixteen years I blamed Him for everything wrong with my life, especially my homosexuality, because I had prayed that He would take it away, and He had not. So, I reason, It was God's fault, not my own if I was "gay."

During those self-serving years of "love," promiscuity, pleasure, self-exaltation, and self-gratification, I experienced much loneliness, misery and heartache. However, my parents and family never made me feel unloved, unappreciated, or unaccepted. In His mercy and patience, the Lord worked through my family members to reveal to me the true meaning of unconditional love toward me, a sinner, without condoning my sinful lifestyle. They manifested their unconditional love and acceptance, not only toward me, but also toward my friends and lovers. Their unconditional acceptance of me demonstrated the meaning of Jesus' words: "Neither do I condemn thee. "In their loving acceptance, however, they did not dismiss the rest of Jesus' statement: "go, and sin no more" (John 8:11).

Some Troubling Questions and a Dream

The unconditional acceptance of my family members eventually led me to stop blaming God for my condition. Instead, I began to look honestly at myself. After all, I thought, I can blame God all my life and still be lost. I asked myself: "What is the point is to pretend there are no consequences to my lifestyle, or that I could be saved in spite of it?" Gradually I became aware that I was deceiving myself. I needed to stop running and hiding from God, seek instead guidance in His Word.

The statement "All who endeavor to excuse or conceal their sins, and permit them to remain upon the books of heaven, unconfessed and unforgiven, will be overcome by Satan (GC 620), seem to speak to my own predicament. That was me. I had become totally overcome by Satan.

I began to think, "Wouldn't it be tragic to find myself standing some day outside the New Jerusalem, with "a good excuse." For several years I was troubled by a recurring dream in which I experienced the horror of being lost as I gazed into the face of Jesus coming in the clouds of glory. Apparently Jesus used this dream to reach out to me, a homosexual, saying, "My son, give me thine heart, before it is too late." Incidentally, since coming back to Him, I have never experienced again the nightmare of that dream!

Jesus warns us about the fate of the wicked, saying, "Depart from me, you evildoers. . . .you cursed, into eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels" (Matthew 7:23; 25:41). Tragically, the lake of fire will contain an innumerable host whom God dearly loves unconditionally. He loves them so much that He gave His only begotten Son that they need not perish. But they choose to reject the gift of eternal life. God honors their choice. The result is their eternal separation from the Source of eternal life.

The Challenge of Beginning a New Life

In childlike reasoning and logic, I prayerfully studied God's Word to find either justification for my homosexuality, or the remedy for it. Try as I might, I could not find justification anywhere in God's word for continuing my homosexual lifestyle. More I studied Scripture and more I became convinced that God designed marriage to be a union of one man with one woman, the two becoming one flesh.

The intimate relationship of a man with a man or a woman with a woman cannot fulfill God's purpose for marriage. Furthermore, the Scripture condemns same sex relationships as "abomination" (Lev. 20:13), which will prevent entrance into God's Kingdom (1 Cor 6:9-10). These and other texts convinced me that there was no way for me to legitimize my homosexual lifestyle.

It was presumptuous for me to live as though I had the gift of eternal life when in reality I was knowingly earning the wages of sin "death." As I began pondering my eternal destiny, gradually I became convinced that my life had to be changed. But, I felt powerless to make that change. In retrospect, I can understand that the sense of helplessness resulting from my violating God's moral principles, was designed to awaken within me a realization of my need for a Savior.

In my helplessness I found reassurance in the fact that God is the omnipotent Creator and Re-Creator of our lives. Through the enlightening of His Word and the enabling power of His Spirit, I sensed that I could be cleansed and made whole. I came to realize that it does not matter whether I was born homosexual or I had chosen to become one. Every descendant of Adam is born with tendencies to sin. I gained reassurance in the promise that God's grace could enable me to overcome both inherited and cultivated sinful tendencies.

As I continued to study and pray, I sensed more and more God's unconditional love for me, though I was a homosexual. I sensed that no matter how sinful my past had been, God could forgive and cleanse me. What I needed to do was to develop a hate for sin and a love for truth and righteousness.

I was given the assurance in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 that I could be cured of my homosexuality. Paul speaks of this very sin, among others, when he says: "And such WERE some of you [past tense]; but ye ARE washed [present tense], but ye ARE sanctified, but ye ARE justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, [How?] and by the Spirit of our God."

As I continued my self-evaluation, I came to realize more and more that I had been deceived into thinking that I was living a life of freedom, when in actuality I had been in terrible bondage. What I desperately needed, was not freedom from God's law, but freedom from the bondage of sin: my addictive sexual perversion. Such freedom became possible through the enabling power of God's grace which can bring "into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" (2 Cor 10:5). Thank God for His amazing grace that restored a sinner like me into the family of God and made me a productive, working member of His cause.

Perhaps the greatest challenge in beginning a new life, was convincing my Adventist fellow believers that by God's grace I was no longer a homosexual. My attitude and sexual orientation had changed. How distressing it was for me to hear ministers and laity alike discrediting my conversion experience by saying, "Sure, I believe in victory over sin. But gay people never change! I have never known anyone coming out of the gay lifestyle who has remained straight for more than two years! Beware of him and to keep your children away from him." Such critical comments reveal a lack of faith in God's power to forgive us and to cleanse penitent sinners from all sinful practices, including homosexuality.

Soul Searching Questions

The sarcastic comments I often heard from fellow believers, caused me to search my soul and frequently ask myself: "Have my feelings and emotions toward men miraculously changed upon my conversion? Have I really experienced a radical change of attitude, a psychological change in my sexual orientation? Or, do I still have the same gender orientation?

These questions are of paramount importance for those who are sincerely seeking for deliverance from besetting sins of whatever nature. They deserve a definitive explanation. But the answer is not always easy to find, especially when someone, like myself, had undergone a traumatic experience. I terminate my relationship with the man whom I deeply loved. My feelings and emotions toward him at all had not changed, but my attitude toward the Man Jesus Christ and the teachings of His Word had radically changed.

The Struggle of a New Life

Being faced with a choice between my male lover and the Man Jesus, I decided to follow my Savior, regardless of consequences. Like the words of the popular hymn, for me it became a matter of "Trust and Obey." I began to trust my Creator, realizing that "Father truly does know best." And in this ever increasing trust, I began to obey Him in spite of my feelings and emotions, knowing that His will for me was for my own present and eternal happiness.

I accepted the biblical truth that "the just shall live by faith," not by feelings and emotions. In practicing this Biblical principle, I discovered that the right feelings and emotions did not emerge immediately. They came gradually as I learned to accept by faith the will of my Creator for my life. Had I waited until I had gained victory over my sinful inclinations before trusting and obeying Christ, then I no longer need a Savior!

As a homosexual, I needed to be saved from my sin, just as an unfaithful spouse, a thief, a murderer, or a liar need to be saved from their sins. Salvation from sin is not a human achievement, but a divine provision of grace. It is a work of work of divine therapy, reprogramming, redirection, recreation.

Leaving behind the love of my sinful life, I entered my new world as a helpless, newborn babe. As an infant begins his life with inherited tendencies to evil, I began my new life with all the same tendencies I had cultivated during my previous life. But, trusting God, my Father and Christ, my Savior, I renounced my homosexuality and submitted myself to divine directives and sought fellowship within the family of God.

One important principle that I learned was to "protect my new environment." The inherited and cultivated evil tendencies are somewhat like a ravenous lion seeking whom he may devour. That "beast" must be starved while another, the Lamb of God, is to be nurtured and cultivated. Evil must be replaced with good. Perverted feelings and emotions can be gradually starved out and replaced by right feelings and emotions when we follow the instructions laid out for us in the "Operator's Manual" given us by the Creator of sexuality.

The new struggle I faced when I decided to turn my back upon everything and everyone I had known, reminded me of the struggle I faced when fleeing from God earlier in my life. I had to separate myself totally from the gay scene and lifestyle, fleeing from them for my very life, as it were fleeing from doomed Sodom and Gomorrah.

I started a new life surrounding myself with everything I knew to be right for me. These were not necessarily everything I wanted around me! But, no Christian can afford to depend on what feels right. Neither could I! The spiritual mind is to rule over and bring into subjection the lusts of the flesh.

Guarding the Avenues of My Mind

I learned the importance of guarding well the avenues to my mind, by not placing myself in the path of temptation. This entails being careful over what I watch, what I read, and what I listen to. It requires a daily determination not to give Satan any advantage over me. Like the apostle Paul, I, too, must "die daily" (1 Cor 15:21), and continue to "pommel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified (1 Cor. 9:27).

And when Satan plants those impure thoughts and desires into the heart, (and he does...!), God's enabling grace is sufficient for my struggle against homosexuality. His grace enables me, as Paul puts it, to bring "into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5). I practice using my power of choice to "turn the page," and to "change the subject." God helps me do this, when I place my will in His hands.

The biblical injunction to "Submit yourself therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7), has become very meaningful to me. When tempted, I repeat the words of Philippians 4:8: "Whatsoever things are true, ...honest, ...just, whatsoever things are pure, ...lovely, ...of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Another principle I learned to put into practice is to accept with gratitude the gift of a female companion offered to me by God. In the Garden of Eden, God created a woman, not a man, as an helpmate for Adam. In His infinite wisdom and love God gave man the gift of a woman to be by his side. There was no better alternative. God did not make a mistake. He knew what He was doing when He designed a female partner for man. Can we not trust God with His own creative plan?

God went to great lengths to provide for man the wonderful gift of a woman. Some of men have turned up their noses at this gift, and, instead, burn in their own lust for one another (Rom 1:27). I was one of them. Did God stop loving me? No! Of course not! He continued to love me though I chose to use my sexuality to love a man rather than a woman. It is with great disappointment that the Creator sees men perverting the intended use of their sexuality.

It is not a sin for a person to live without the gift of a marital partner. For different reasons many people end up living their entire lives without the pleasures of marriage. But it is wrong for people to indulge in sexual behavior outside of marriage. And it is wrong for us men to pervert the gift of our sexuality which was designed for a procreational and relational functions. It is equally wrong for a woman to lust and covet after another woman whom God has created for man. It has taken time for me to learn to be grateful to god for what He has provided for my best interest.

Overcoming Homosexuality

The secret to overcoming the sin of homosexuality, or any other besetting sin, is to be found in helping someone else to overcome sin. This premise is based upon the Biblical principle for happiness: self-less-ness. True happiness comes in helping someone else to be happy: Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last, creates the acronym for JOY.

Joseph, far from home in the land of his captivity, never forgot this principle. "How can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?" he cried as he fled from the temptation of Potiphar's wife. His concern was not "fear of punishment," nor was it "hope of reward." No; his faithfulness in obedience resulted in disgrace and confinement in a dungeon. Joseph's concern was a total self-less interest in the will and honor of his God; regardless of consequences. He also loved and honored his master Potiphar, putting his master's interests above his own.

All the heavenly host are focused upon the happiness and well-being of others, including you and me. Except for sinful man, all unfallen creatures live for the benefit of the rest of creation. This principle of self-less-ness has been of great value in the process of reconditioning myself from my former homosexual lifestyle It has helped me to abandon the old practice of self-gratification, seeking instead fulfillment within the sacred realm of marriage.

By practicing these and other Biblical principles, I have become totally comfortable in my new life as a heterosexual. The thought of returning to my old life has become foreign and repugnant to me. Submitting myself to divine reconditioning and therapy has truly resulted in a new creation. And I rejoice in the words of Paul about my new life in Christ: "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (2 Cor 5:17)

Why should Christians doubt that this promise can be true for the homosexual as well as for anyone else? My new victorious heterosexual life is a testimony to the power of God to save people from the depth of their sins. And I praise Him every day for demonstrating the power of His grace in forgiving, cleansing, and renewing my life.

By cleansing and renewing my life, the Savior has commissioned me in the same words He spoke to the cleansed demoniac in Mark 5:19, "Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee." Accordingly, I love to tell the story through the spoken word and my published autobiography That Kind Can Never change! Can They? of how the Lord has rescued me from the depths of degradation, into a new life of service for Him.

This story of my pilgrimage from bondage to freedom, is designed to encourage not only homosexuals seeking divine deliverance, but also anyone struggling with besetting sins of whatever nature. In this book I share those Biblical principles which have helped me to gain victory over homosexuality and now sustain me in heterosexuality.

In closing I wish to testify that my life was changed not through human reasoning, logic, philosophy and counseling, but through the Word of God and the saving grace of Jesus Christ. By His grace, this homosexual prodigal child has been delivered from his sin and redirected into a productive and fruitful new life of service as a Seventh-day Adventist minister of the gospel. I am happily married with children.

I praise the Lord for His compassion, mercy and marvelous power manifested in saving even me from my life of sin! To those who believe that gay people never change, may I say: "Yes, they can change. God's transforming power and grace can make them whole. This is what He did for me."

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This article is provided by permission of Dr. Samuele Bacchiocchi, author of Endtime Issues Newsletter (see www.biblicalperspectives.com).